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April 20, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. During Tuesday’s state primary, officials confirmed that over 125,000 people were missing from the New York City voter rolls. Luckily, I found all of them walking on the sidewalk ahead of me while I...
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April 26, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. In the wake of New England quarterback Tom Brady’s 4-game suspension being reinstated, on Monday, Republican frontrunner Donald Trump said “Leave Tom Brady alone!” I don’t know about president, but,...
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May 5, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. It was announced this week that Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan, Neil Young and the Rolling Stones will all perform at a charity concert later this year. Their opening act will be a lady calling a game of...
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August 10, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. A man went on his honeymoon without his wife after she lost her passport two weeks before the trip. And, when he gets back, I have a feeling she’s also gonna have conveniently lost her wedding ring....
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December 6, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to reports, President-elect Donald Trump is considering appointed New York Jets owner Woody Johnson as ambassador to the United Kingdom. Johnson and the British can bond over losing to the...
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December 8, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Time Magazine named Donald Trump its ‘Person of the Year.’ But I wouldn’t worry about it, in the words of a very wise man, no one reads Time Magazine anymore: 2. This week, Pope Francis...
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December 12, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Last week it was revealed that President-elect Donald Trump will stay on as executive producer of “The Celebrity Apprentice” while he’s in office. Not to be outdone, his lead strategist Steve Bannon...
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June 15, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Rolf Buchholz, the world’s most pierced man reveled that he has 278 piercings in his penis. As a result, this is what it looks like when he pees: 2. Rolf Buchholz, the world’s most pierced man...
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August 4, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, White House aide Stephen Miller argued that the inscription on the Statue of Liberty does not matter because it was added at a later date. You know, like Tiffany. 2. According to a...
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August 7, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Sunday, Vice President Mike Pence called the rumors that he is preparing for a 2020 presidential run “offensive” and “disgraceful.” Pence was either upset or giving a sneak peak at a possible...
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August 10, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, the NBA announced that the Brooklyn Nets, who went 20-62 last season, will play two games in Mexico next year. In response, the Mexican President said, “When America sends its people...
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August 11, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. The Commerce Department announced a decision Tuesday to charge a tariff on aluminum foil imported from China. No word on what President Trump will make his hat out of now: 2. Yesterday, President...
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September 1, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. This week, former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer finally met Pope Francis after being left out during President Trump’s visit to the Vatican earlier this year. Spicer and the Pope bonded...
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September 9, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. This week, Russian President Vladimir Putin took a shot at President Trump saying, “it’s difficult to have a dialogue with someone who confuses Austria with Australia.” So when the two get together...
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October 13, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. The student Academy Awards were held on Thursday in Beverly Hills. They are just like the regular Academy Awards except to get nominated you don’t have to watch Harvey Weinstein masturbate into a...
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April 20, 2018 – Monologue Jokes
1. CIA Director Mike Pompeo made a secret visit to North Korea over Easter weekend and met with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. The two discussed important matters including denuclearizing North...
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September 28, 2018 – Monologue Jokes
1. In a recent interview, tennis superstar Serena Williams said her new baby daughter helped her recover from her recent U.S Open loss. “Really? Can we borrow your baby,” said the New York Jets. 2....
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June 3rd, 2019 – Monologue Jokes
1. A new study has found that excessive consumption of sugary drinks can lead to an increased risk of heart disease. Said one concerned consumer, “Oh No!”: 2. After 1,095 days and more than 75,000...
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August 26, 2019 – Monologue Jokes
1. Larry King and his seventh wife, Shawn King, filed for divorce this week after 22 years of marriage. That’s bullshit, they vowed to be together until “death do them part,” she couldn’t honor those...
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September 9, 2019 – Monologue Jokes
1. A man in Florida parked his Smart car in his kitchen to protect it from Hurricane Dorian. “Yeah, same,” said Billy Joel looking at his car at the bottom of his pool in Trenton, New Jersey. 2. Pope...
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